it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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