I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
As shirtless as possible
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
