If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
