Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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