??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize