you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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