my shit smells like andre
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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