I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
