so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
