hell yes lets make some ravioli
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
