is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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