Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
