I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Randomize
