just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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