"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
