I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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