Slut skills are useful in every country.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
