"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
