We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
