Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
