physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
