Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
