Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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