what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can text with my tongue
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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