Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
