My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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