chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I've blown a few things in my day
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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