Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
