we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize