Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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