FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Threesome in a minivan. New low
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
