Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
