Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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