the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My feet surprised me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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