Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
