:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
