New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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