You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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