Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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