what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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