I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
