Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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