**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
