I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
