Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
