So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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