I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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