i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize