I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
