she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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