oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
