thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
