I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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