it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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