It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
