a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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