Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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