I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
