You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize