i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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