I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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