O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
