bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
