I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
