Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
