I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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