I smell stomach acid.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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