I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
