You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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