All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
