I love black thongs
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
