i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize