I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize