I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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