i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
