So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
