I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
