stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
