is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
