i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
